HOOKED ON FONIX - Accepted with a scholarship on the spot at his undergrad audition simply for being a straight white male who could hold a tune, Hooked On Fonix hooked up with every girl in the department (even the lesbians...and possibly a boy, but he doesn't really remember) by the end of freshman year.
Hooked On Fonix graduated at the top of his class (in remedial math) and promptly distanced himself from the theatre world. He is rumored to be working as a shift manager at a fast food restaurant in his hometown of Nowheresville, Ohio.
He is still single, as he is dealing with a new STD that is made up of all his previous ones combined. Doctors refer to him as "Patient Zero." His mother just refers to him as "Zero." But Hooked On Fonix doesn't care 'cause this sort-of hot Spanish-looking girl just ordered a sammich and he wants her to be his "Number 1 Gurl."
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