Queen of the Rats

Melinda had a dirty little secret.

Melinda liked cheese...but only from the dumpster.

Her favorite moments were those of victory, digging through soggy bits of refuse to uncover a bit of Limburger or a morsel of Danish Blue (Melinda only liked dumpster diving in the posh-iest of the posh neighborhoods). Melinda's mother told her that she was going to turn into a rat if she didn't stop her disgusting habits. But Melinda didn't mind. Rats were better company than most of the people she knew.

One day, Melinda slipped on a banana peel while she reached for a discarded rind of Parmigiano-Reggiano and hit her head *BONK* on the side of her favorite dumpster.

When she woke up, she was in a sewer surrounded by rats of all shapes and sizes. The biggest rat came forward and squeaked out that his name was Boris and that he was King of the Rats. He was wearing a little cape and had a crown and a scepter made of bottle caps.

Melinda took that as proof positive that he was telling the truth.

Boris went on to ask if Melinda would become Queen of the Rats and live with them in the sewers forevermore. Melinda, of course, accepted. And she lived happily ever after...until Hurricane Sandy wiped out the majority of her subjects in a torrent of bacteria-laden death water...

It's said that if you walk by Melinda's favorite dumpster at dusk and toss a bit of artisan cheese into the sewer drain, you will hear Melinda's faint whispered promises to rebuild her kingdom and seek vengeance for the lives of her fallen friends.